Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize