people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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