i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction