This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.