4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house