know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.