When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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