Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
