There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
