I heard we made out
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
