I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
