I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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