He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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