I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
