WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
