Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
