Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
