I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize