i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
