it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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