The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
