Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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