I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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