i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
