i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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