What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
