Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
