I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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