At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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