Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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