HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
