drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
