The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
