I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
