you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
