would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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