kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think my moral compass just broke
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