I want to walk on stilts...naked
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
