if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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