Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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