If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
