K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
