you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
