just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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