I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
