Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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