I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
