u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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