The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
