You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
