a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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