The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
