I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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