Barsexuality is the new black.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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