Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
