Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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