they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
