Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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