why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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