Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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