This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
