I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
