maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
