mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
