Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
