if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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