dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
