We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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