There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
