I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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