i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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