You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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