We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
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